


i believe in a happy future

by stolashoots



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Illness, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 10:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8098000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stolashoots/pseuds/stolashoots
Summary: He thought he was ready for a relationship.It turns out he's wrong.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Xephonia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xephonia/gifts).



Sleeping with Kaito is different than sleeping with Rio. The twins only wandered into each other’s bed after a particularly bad day or if one was having terrible nightmares and needed reassuring that the world hasn’t ended in a fusion of anger and hatred.

There’s a kind of finality that comes with being in Kaito’s bed, under Kaito’s star patterned blankets, Kaito’s hot breath tickling the back of Ryouga’s neck. Ryouga was the one to suggest he stay the night; they’ve been dating for months now and it seemed only natural. Rio was staying over at a friend’s house and Ryouga wasn’t certain he could spend a night alone without his past memories invading his mind.

Now he regrets making the suggestion, now that he’s snuggled tight in bed with his boyfriend next to him. He’s not ready for this, he thinks. He’s not ready for a serious relationship, not ready to bare his soul to another person.

Ryouga can feel anxiety bubbling up from within him, creating horrendous lies that he can’t help but believe are true. He’s using Kaito’s affection for a sinister purpose. Ryouga doesn’t really have any feelings for Katio; he just misses the attention he received when he was king. Once he gets what he wants from Kaito, he’ll leave him just like Nasch left Durbe.

His mind spins over and over again, the fantasy building until Ryouga can’t tell if his mind is right and he’s just an attention seeker. He doesn’t want to hurt Kaito; Kaito doesn’t deserve any more pain after all he’s been through. Ryouga feels vile.

“You should try to get some sleep,” Kaito mumbles into his ear, startling Ryouga. He hadn’t realized Kaito was still awake.

“I can’t fall asleep.” It’s the truth.

Kaito sits up and Ryouga shivers as the blankets shift and the chilled air kisses his bare arms. “You’re uncomfortable. I’ll prepare the guest bedroom for you.” Ryouga can’t tell if there’s disappointment in Kaito’s voice or if his mind is making things up.

“No, that’s. I’m fine.” He can do this. It’s just one night, and it’s not as though they’re going to be fooling around. He just needs to calm down and then he’ll be able to fall asleep.

Kaito’s face is illuminated by the soft glow of the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to the ceiling. He’s worried, uncertain if Ryouga is truly alright. “Ryouga, it’s okay if you don’t want to do this. There’s no need to rush into things.” He reaches out and puts his hand on Ryouga’s shoulder. Ryouga can feel how warm he is even through his shirt. It’s comforting.

“I…” Ryouga’s throat feels choked and he can’t get his words out. He isn’t sure if he even wants to admit his fears to Kaito. Hell, he isn’t always able to tell them to his therapist some days. “Give me a second,” he chokes out.

Ryouga rolls out of bed and stumbles over to his overnight bag. It’s too dark for him to search through it, but he knows exactly where he’s looking. He unzips a side pocket and fishes out the ring Rio gave him all those years ago. He had taken it off for the night, but suddenly he feels as though he needs it. Ryouga slips it onto his finger, then takes a deep breath in. When he releases it, he forces his body to relax and rolls his shoulders.

The thoughts and the lies don’t leave his mind, but they now a bit easier to ignore, and that’s all Ryouga needs. He returns to the bed and climbs under the covers, pulling them up over his mouth. He faces Kaito but doesn’t look at him.

“I want to be with you, but I’m scared I might hurt you.” It sounds silly that a kid like him would be able to hurt Kaito, but admitting it out loud relieves him of the burden.

Kaito sighs and lies down on his side. “What do you want to do about it?”

“I think we should break up.” If Kaito isn’t around him as much, then Ryouga won’t be able to do so much damage. It makes sense to him, but at the same time, it doesn’t sit well in his mind.

Kaito doesn’t react negatively, though his expression does soften. “Ryouga, you don’t have to be alone. Pushing other people away isn’t going to help you. Are you sure this is really what you want?”

No, of course it isn’t, but Ryouga has to think of Kaito’s best interests. It’s better this way. If he’s alone, then he can’t bring anyone else down with him. It’ll hurt to not have Kaito’s love or friendship anymore, but Ryouga will take it if it means Kaito is able to be happy.

Kaito’s arms wrap around Ryouga, and he realizes he’s shaking. Kaito hushes him and wipes away his tears, whispering over and over, “Everything’s going to work out. Just let it all out. It’s okay; it’s okay.”

Neither of them falls asleep until the early hours of the next day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading~! Please remember to leave a comment; it would mean a lot to me ^^


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